I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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