Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
