i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
