Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
babies were throwing up all over the place
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
