dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
