The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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