I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
