Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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