You made me cry and you don't even care
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
