Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
