You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
