I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
