Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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