Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just blew my weed a kiss
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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