Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
