people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
