Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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