I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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