You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
