I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
