i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
