Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
