she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize