i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
