you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
