She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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