the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
