I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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