get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
