drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
