Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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