He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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