dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
