i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
