That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
