It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize