tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
