Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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