Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
