how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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