i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
