I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
