Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
