just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
