She went from zero to smokin in five shots
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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