Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
