your parents love me but you hate me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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