I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
