I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
