Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
