Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
