Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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