This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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