I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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