Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
