You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
