I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just found a bag of teeth...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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