Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
