no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
