We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
