he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Randomize
