You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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