Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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