i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
