I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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