I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
