It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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