That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize