I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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