Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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