I'm jealous of your bromance
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
